What is a Highly Sensitive Child?
All children are different and, as such, they all have different needs. Many children are like ‘dandelions’ and can grow in almost any environment. A minority of children however, are like ‘orchids’. They have greater needs than other children and need exacting conditions in order to thrive. They have great potential and with care and nurture they bloom but without it they easily wither.
Psychologist Dr Elaine Aron identified the trait of ‘high sensitivity’ in 1996 and she has since researched the effect it has on individuals’ lives. As many as 1 in 5 people are ‘highly sensitive’ and face unique challenges as they grow up. A highly sensitive child (HSC) is born with a highly reactive nervous system which makes them sensitive to their environment, their peers and their emotions.
How do I recognise a Highly Sensitive Child?
There are many signs and I think I'll put together a comprehensive resource sometime soon but for now, here are some key signs to look out for:
- Parents may report they were ‘clingy’ at preschool.
- Generally very sensitive and cries easily.
- May be bright or even gifted.
- May be a perfectionist.
- Can be extremely well behaved and helpful, although can also have behaviour difficulties as quick to lose patience.
- Experiences intense emotions and feels things deeply.
- Easily frustrated.
- Some of the features of autism or ADHD but this has been ruled out.
- Struggles with friendships and gets upset/argues with peers easily.
- Sensory sensitivities.
- Performs better when strangers are not present.
- Needs more chill-out time after school and at weekends than most.
- Tends to blame self, experience more feelings of shame and have low self-esteem.
- Gets extremely stressed when expected to do something in a short amount of time (but may perform well under pressure even though they dislike it).
Is being Highly Sensitive an issue?
No, not at all. I am a highly sensitive person and my mantra is "sensitivity is my superpower". However, being highly sensitive, especially as a child can be extremely tough. And in the case of my son, it led to him being unable to attend school. Being highly sensitive is not a problem or dysfunction that needs to be overcome. It is not the child that needs to change. However, highly sensitive children do need understanding and flexible schooling and the exact right environment to thrive.
How is a Highly Sensitive Child best supported?
- A traditional approach to anxiety around attending school would be to show the child that it is ok to go to school, that there is nothing to be afraid of. However, for a highly sensitive child, there are lots of things in the school environment to be afraid of or overwhelmed by. Teachers therefore need to consider how the school environment can be adapted for example, noise and light reduction, flexibility with uniform, sensory breaks, a key adult in school to talk to (a gentle person).
- Spoon theory is a really good model for understanding why highly sensitive children often come home and 'explode'. It is also helpful to use this theory to help children better understand themselves.
- Mindfulness and breathing techniques can be helpful e.g. 5 finger breathing and journaling and worry monsters.
- Structure and routine can be reassuring for highly sensitive children. Many of the approaches that you would use for an autistic child are helpful.
- Avoid harsh discipline; highly sensitive children are harsh on themselves so they don't need adults to add to the pressure. Even being gently told off for the slightest thing can lead to them not wanting to attend school the next day.
- Recognise that the little things matter and all add up. Talk to the child about the little things and even a small change at school, for example, being able to sit next to a chosen friend can really help.
- Sensory calming strategies - activities that involve lots of proprioception (muscle resistance) e.g. wall push and deep tactile input e.g. therapy ball massage (there are lots of other videos on my YouTube channel too).
- Having a safe space at school to retreat to for some quiet time.
- Patience! Highly sensitive children require the adults supporting them to be extremely patient. For example, my son became extremely upset that the zip on his coat was too stiff and concerned that he wouldn't be able to fasten it at school. It was such an issue to him that we ended up with a new coat. He also has 2 identical t-shirts but he won't wear one of them as he says it's too itchy.
- Normalise talking about your feelings. Also talk to children about their high sensitivity, helping them understand that even though they often feel anxious and overwhelmed, they can learn to cope with the world and actually their challenges are in fact also their superpowers.
The problem...
Unfortunately, we still live in a society that does not value or support highly sensitive people and this is a real issue. Traditionally secondary schools (not all) lack the nurturing supportive ethos required with teens being expected to ‘toughen up’ and get on with it. There are many children being mislabelled, refusing to attend school, being excluded, bright children failing to reach their potential and an increasing incidence of mental ill health amongst younger and younger children. More and more parents are choosing (or feeling they have no choice but to) home-educate their highly sensitive children.
I hope that this newsletter can go a little way towards raising awareness of high sensitivity and that even though highly sensitive children often don't have identified special needs or an EHCP, they do need adaptations and support.
If you have any more tips and strategies for supporting highly sensitive children I'd love to hear them please.
Have a great week. Hanna |