Hi ,

Thanks for all your positive feedback on my burnout newsletter series and for sharing your stories. Today is the final newsletter in the burnout series. If you have missed any of my newsletters you can access my newsletter library here.

Last week I talked about my son’s journey to recovery. Today I’d like to summarise some of the key things to think about when supporting your child to recover from burnout:

Time – a child needs lots of time to recover from intense burnout and this process cannot be rushed. In fact, rushing the process can cause a backward step. As per my newsletter last week, I have found the initial recovery period to be at least one month for every year your child has been in education and that is just for the initial period where the child is unable to do very much at all.
Focus on interests - once your child appears to be showing small signs of improvement, notice their main interest and use this as a way into their world. This might be playing Roblox with them, going online and helping them choose a new toy for their dog, sitting and shredding strips of paper – it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just about your child allowing you into their space. Remember not to be tempted to ask questions or talk too much.
Low-demand parenting - it's important to understand that even a small thing such as a simple question can seem like a demand when a child is in burnout. Even praising your child can feel like a demand - when a child is praised for doing well on a particular day, they can feel pressure that they are expected to do well again on another day. Dr Naomi Fisher has lots of good blogs and resources on low-demand parenting.
Mentor service – sometimes having a trusted adult to talk to who isn’t a parent can really help. MindJam is a service that provides online support with gaming as a way in.
Mental health support – when a child’s burnout is severe they may need the support of a mental health professional. I realise that CAMHS waiting lists tend to be ridiculous but I can’t miss this strategy, as for intense burnout it is so important.
Sensory input especially movement – a child’s vestibular (movement) system needs input and vestibular input has been shown to have a positive impact on stress and anxiety. Perhaps you can get your child to sit on a therapy ball instead of lying on the sofa or try a rocking chair. Once they are getting small daily movement, can they build up going for a walk in the garden and perhaps a bounce on a trampette.
Acknowledge feelings – just letting your child know that you are there and understand can be really helpful. When my son was really unwell, I shared with him a situation I experienced when I was 12 and that really helped him connect with me – he was so surprised that I understood. I remember him saying, “that’s exactly how I feel!”. Finding common ground can be so helpful.
Your child is not alone – making sure your child knows they are not alone in this is important. It might seem obvious to you that your child has your support but sometimes making sure they know that no matter how overwhelming things feel, you will get through it together.
Writing down a plan – sometimes sitting with your child and writing things down can help. This can’t be done too soon but when the time seems right you could try supporting your child to make a short list of 1-3 strategies that they think may help them feel well and that seem manageable. This could be things like going out in the garden and sitting to play on their phone for 10 minutes, going outside to play on the trampoline, eating one extra small meal a day, having a bath, sitting on a therapy ball for 5 minutes every day etc. Having a plan can be helpful for some children, it can help them feel in control ,as long as the things seem manageable and they have been chosen by the child.
Fun – is there something fun or silly you can do together? Even though my son is a bit older now, he loves water beads and foam soap. Getting those out in the bath is usually guaranteed to make him smile, especially if I let him throw the foam soap at me and rub it all over the bathroom walls!
Apps - I have come across this great NHS website that has a list of apps to support mental health for young people. I haven’t had a good look but I like the look of this app called Molehill Mountain that is designed specifically to support autistic young people with anxiety.
Look after yourself – it’s a well-used analogy but it’s a good one – you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you support others. If you have low energy and mental wellbeing then it is hard to support your child. Reduce your expectations of yourself – you can’t do everything so what can you slide for a while? Ask your GP for a referral for mental health support for yourself if required.
Notice all the small things and celebrate each tiny win. You are unlikely to see any big overnight changes so notice the little things and try to feel gratitude for the small things. Eventually, the small things will all add up and you will start to see real glimmers of your child coming back to you.
Be realistic and patient – recovery from burnout is a journey and it’s a slow tricky one. This links with the previous point about the small wins. If your child is currently sat in their room all day with the curtains closed playing on their phone and barely eating then don’t set a goal of them getting dressed, coming to eat downstairs and going to do their previous favourite activity of going swimming – that is too much too soon. What is one tiny achievable thing they can agree to as a first step?

I truly hope this has been helpful and I’ll getting thinking about a new topic for next week! I have lots of parent requests for things you’d like me to cover so I’ll go through those and choose one. Have a good week.

Hanna